Last week’s question in the dojo was, “When you think of home, specifically, what do you think of?”
When I think of home, I first think of the physical place I am most often when I’m not at the dojo and I think of the feeling of comfort I get by being there. I also think of the people who make me feel at home. Then, I think of how lucky I am to spend so much rewarding time at the dojo practicing Kung Fu, Tai Chi and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with people I love that it feels like another home for me.
A Third Place
This gets me thinking of something I heard from my Sifu years ago, the idea of a third place. Almost all of us have a home where we spend most of our time (our first place) and a job where we spend the second most time (our second place). Many of us have a third place. Maybe this is a place you go after work to wind down or an activity you do on the weekend. For some people this third place is the gym or church (I like to think of the dojo where we practice martial arts and meditation as being something like a combination of gym and church). For others, the third place is the bar where everybody knows their name. Maybe you play in a dodgeball league or spend a lot of time at a friend’s house. Many kids today (and some adults I know) have a virtual third place: playing video games. Social media can also feel like a third place for so many people, for good or for bad.
Choosing What’s Best For Your Energy
Home and work tend to be fairly permanent and seem to be somewhat out of our control. We don’t really need to decide to go to these places; it’s just part of a normal day. Our third place usually feels like it’s more up to us. We should be selective about where we spend our time, as environment tends to be stronger than will. What I mean by that is the people we spend our time with as well as the energy (vibration, feel) and general purpose of the places we go have a very powerful impact on us. If our goal is to be healthy, we want to spend more time at the dojo than the bar.
When I first walked into the dojo in Michigan, I wasn’t looking for a third place. I did have a few friends that were practicing there, and I ended up making many more. The dojo became the place I belonged. Even if I didn’t know anybody in class, it just felt right being there. It felt like a second home. I knew everyone there had the same goals as I did. In the dojo, we all pushed ourselves and each other to be our best.
Be Selective
Be sure your third place provides you with the energy and reinforcement to be your best self. Of course we try to make home and work as great of an environment as possible. Your third place is very much up to you. You get to choose where you go, how you spend your time and bring your best energy.
